I laugh everytime I see that cover. Last summer I was sitting in a bar with a buddy who insisted that his one-day-old iPhone was waterproof. To prove it (and this may have been provoked) he dropped it into a full, double capt'n and coke... iPhones may be water proof but the are certainly not capt'n and coke proof! PIZZA! PIZZA!

PL: Reason 14 I only keep vodka near my keyboard. Just like the body, electronics can easily handle the clear liquor. The dark sugary stuff, not so well...

Let me guess... Your friend the neurosurgeon?

I would never do something like that. I innately know better, and that bothers me. I fear that "immediate" intelligence is useless now. One can always get a new IPhone, but one cannot summon the brains to be wildly, ludicrously successful from a mind filled with common sense understanding for the mundane... Simple understandings like the danger of immersing electronics immersed in rum. I was gifted with that. Your buddy no doubt drives cars into ditches on a regular basis, can't wind his watch and yet... yet, I am certain. Certain as the empty beer bottle to my right mocking my dry tongue, that the gift your buddy has instead of mine makes him a staggering bucket of cash.

In this world, now, common sense isn't worth much. But then, I'll never get in the tub with a plugged-in radio.

So I got that going for me.

Thanks for the suggestion re Borders -- unlike the old place, there seem to be more B&Ns around here than Borders, and the Borders that is relatively close to my office and home is in a mall that I avoid. Nonetheless, I shall brace the Christmas music, and venture forth for a copy. I'm taking Abbie Hoffman's advice, though, and stealing it. There is no way I want you to get a dime of money from me, you gin-soaked, self-hating-lace-curtained Irish bastard.

BTW, in your sequel, there should be a chapter on how to find hot court reporters in remote jurisdictions. I had a series of cases where the lawyer for a co-defendant was a master of this enviable skill.

PL: If you can prove you stole it, which would be an honor system thing, as I have no way of proving otherwise, I'll pay you the cost of it.

I have known many a hot reporter in my day. Fucks up my ability to do anything. You know... You're asking questions, then you glance at her and her breasts are heaving over the transcription machine and she smiles, waiting to hear what you say next and everything goes blank for a second and suddenly you're unbuttoning that sweater and telling the twit across the table and his lackey client to fuck off and leave the room and she's got these impossible knobs and--

I have to take a break here for a second.

Does this mark the end of you keeping your identity a secret? Do you no longer work in law or are you no longer afraid of people in the field knowing so much about you?

PL: I'm signing books and you'll get a chance to drink with me if you want.

You read the book yet? We're navigating as we do for good reason. Let's just say some people don't like being made fun of... They react poorly.

Is there any chance these speaking engagements will be publicized on the site? Of course at best this depends heavily on the specifics (I'm probably not invited to any fraternity house event). But I'm sure I'm not the only person near you who'd love to catch an event if it happened.

In any case, I'm hereby casting my vote for a Pittsburgh book signing.

PL: You're one of many. It's a hike, but I am trying to do that. Give me a couple days.

Hope you'll come to NYC soon. Picked up the book and read it - great stuff.

Even more so because I've got law school in mind (just took the LSATs and in the process of applications)and now I'm in limbo as to what to do.

Could use advice before the applications are due.

PL: Advice?

Do you REALLY want to be a lawyer? Ask yourself that question. Being a lawyer is not fun, glamorous or half as lucrative as lawyers pretend. It is a dull, often tedious, highly stressful existence. You MUST spend a day inside a law firm before you decide to go to law school. Until you see the work, you have no idea what you're getting into.

Second, NEVER LITIGATE. If you go, become a business lawyer. Learn as much as you can about finance and regulatory law. NEVER GO INTO TRIAL WORK. Working as an advocate limits you terribly. Nobody wants to hire litigators to work in the business world, but business lawyers can shift into non-legal jobs quite easily. Litigation is a terrible, pigeonholing career. Avoid it like the plague.

My best advice? If you haven't, work for a few years first, then go. No one should ever go into law school right out of college. That's insanity. It's a disservice to both you and the job. That pathway creates narrow, myopic lawyers who, frankly, don't know anything but the artificial hierarchy of their firms. That will limit you in ways you'll never realize until you're too old to undo the damage to your neural pathways.

If that's a real email, you will certainly know about the NYC thing.

I'ma buy the book, but it's going to take me a sec. I gotta get the Guitar Hero World Tour. It would be awesome if ya came to my school to give a speech, but I have no way of setting that up. Sounds awesome though.

PL: Ask somebody on the faculty. If they can get me there, I'll talk.

I finished the book yesterday, and it makes perfect sense why you chose/choose to retain some anonymity. Great story too by the way. I knew I wouldn't be disappointed in it, and I wasn't. As well as having a laugh, it's also made me a little introspective about my own life. I suppose that's a good thing! I've always admired how you pick a musical quote to start some of the stories. I'd love to have the soundtrack to your life....

It's a damn shame Indiana isn't closer. I'd love to have an autographed copy and the opportunity to buy you a round.

PL: Thank you very much. I appreciate both the review and the understanding. That I caused you to get introspective is also flattering. The only philosophy I ever advocated is, "Think for yourself."

If only I'd followed it earlier...

Indiana's not that far. If this thing catches fire, you never know where I'll go. If you're ever out here, please let me know. I'll make it a point to have a drink with you. I'll of course do the same if I'm in your neck of the woods.

Yeah, the USA's a difficult place to strike it rich if you're an unconventional thinker without any highly specialized skills. I work for a small private equity firm active in eastern Europe and Russia, and some of the stuff I've seen is completely ridiculous. Guys like you absolutely cleaned up there in the 90s, which is more or less why I'm over there now. Better late than never...

Enjoyed your book immensely, by the way. It couldn't have come out at a better time. Here's to hoping it takes off - can't wait to see more of your work.

PL: That's all about to change. People are going to have to start innovating, and damn fast. That's what scares me about the entitlements crowd in this country. I have nothing against social safety nets, but a robust Nanny State can be incompatible with innovation and growth. Nobody thinks more conventionally than a bureaucrat.

As to the timing of the book, well, not unpredictably, some of the reaction from less creative corners has been, "Now is not a time to be telling people to take more risks! Now is not a time to chuck a career!"

I have news for those people. A lot of them are about to chuck their careers involuntarily. Anyone who thinks Obama and the Democrats can cure the mess those Neocons put us in with a New New Deal is stark raving mad. There. Is. No. Money. Left. We could soak the rich until they were poor and not be able to slow even for a minute the coming tsunami of costs from Medicare as the baby boomer get old.

Maybe Obama can develop a new WPA to jump start the economy a bit. Perhaps regulation will force people who'd otherwise go to Wall Street to move into sciences and develop some new bubble over the coming years. But the notion "fair" taxes will fix what ails us is madness. Obama's a brilliant guy, I think, or at least the best communicator since Reagan. He needs to go on national television after he takes office and say, "Hey, folks... Two things. First, we have to put these stupid divisions, political and cultural, aside and start working together because, well, this is a huge fucking mess. Second, Uncle Sam can't pay for you to have 72 months of unemployment, or any form of universal health care with First Class benefits, and as to Social Security, I'd advise you young kids not to bet on having any of that. This is a shit sandwich, America. Every family out there owns $500k of our collective debt. Start thinking like people who need to dig out of that hole, and fast. I know a lot of you elected me because you wanted someone who would protect the interests of people who are not native entrepreneurs. Well, reality's dictating that you're going to have to learn about how to manage your money, and that you will never again be able to just work hard and collect a pension and get health care for life. You have to stop being the hard workers and start being smart workers, whether you like it or not. We'll provide the safety net, but if you think a vote for me was some form of protection from Capitalism, I'm sorry. That's just not the case. We're in a global economy now and you had the bad fortune to be born in a vicious productivity cycle. Thank God and God Bless."

One more thing. You seem to be a shrewd judge of people. Why are we so conventional here?

Bought your book today. I originally wasn't going to because TM is an obnoxious twat and didn't want any proceeds going to him. Anyway, keep up the stories, I have read every last one over the years.

PL: Thank you for the support. I won't judge a man's opinion. I respect your right to feel as you do. But I can't help noting that if not for TM and the people at Rudius, none of this would exist. Like or dislike his humor, in a very cut-throat business, TM has accomplished a lot of things few others can match.

In furtherance of "Mike maybe 1-L"'s question above, I am currently a 2L and seriously doubting whether or not I want to pursue lawyering. Fortunately I have an opportunity to get firm experience this summer, which I think should be telling.

I guess the question is what are the exit points/ways to get trapped into something I hate. PL - you said to avoid litigation and to be honest with oneself about goals.

Is there anything wrong with doing the "firm" thing for a couple years? Other traps to watch out for?

PL: No. If a firm is paying you well this summer, consider yourself lucky, take the experience and start paying any loans you might have down asap. Be ahead of the curve and do not start spending the money like a fool when you make it. I look back on some of the things I did when I started making decent cash and feel pretty stupid. I could have had a nest egg on which to take time off and quit, but I got myself on the excessive-living-to-forget-job-I-hate circuit and pissed loads of money on nonsense.

The German car, the watches, pricey suits, picking up everybody's tab like you're some 'playa'... All that shit... Stay away from it. It only telecasts envy and insecurity. Look at all the guys who sue people over slip and falls in courthouses. Half of them look like they just walked out of Neiman Marcus catalogs. They want you to know they're "prosprus," and they think a certain look garners that respect.

The skinny guy in khakis running across the street playing with his Blackberry is the guy who works for the hedge fund. He isn't flashy. He doesn't need to be.

Now, of course, on the flip side, you have the guys in big firms who try to look like old money by working the button-down collar and club tie Prep school look. Some of them are real, but most of them are an act as well. They probably had a stodgy mentor or figured looking like George Will would be a shrewd move given their firm's culture.

It's all such silly posturing. We should all work in shorts and flip flops. The comfortable mind is so much more effective...

It would be awesome if you could somehow make it to the Bay Area; the first several rounds of Bullitt will be on me.

And great advice on not going to law school directly after undergrad. I took some time off and know that I could not have done well at law school or the job w/o doing that. Also, I can't imagine thinking that a six-figure salary is an automatic as your first job. Then again, I still went to law school even after taking time off, so what does that say about me?

PL: It says that you were smart. People seem to think I advocate against going into law in every situation. I advocate learning about it before you jump, and knowing its often insidious, soul-sucking side (which is all of the world of litigation in a town like Philly). You clearly went in with your head on straight, understanding what the work was about. And judging from the light tone of your comment, it wasn't a bad choice for you.

I still practice a bit in a modified context. I'm decent at it, so why not? It's a hell of a lot more enjoyable when you can be honest with a client and say "Look, you can fight this, but you;re going to wind up paying X dollars to me. I'd rather you just settle the fucking thing and move on to the next deal." That's how the business should be run, but when you work in a firm, the emphasis is often on fighting, because fighting is work and work is billable time. On the plaintiff's side it's suing enough people to keep up a decent "hit rate" to fir enough cash into the firm to keep the credit line paid down. Ever hear a lawyer on the side brining the claim say his case was "tough." That's frequently code for "weak."

You want to start fixing this country? Start ridding it of advocates. I'm serious. Who distorts our political discussions? Who clogs our courts? Advocacy. What's the skill set central to every person who makes his money deceiving others? Advocacy.

Our belief that an adversarial system ferrets out truth is almost as silly as creationism. All it proves is who is a better advocate. In every court, from actual trials to the court of public opinion.

Karl Rove is a master advocate. He's the living embodiment of everything the word means.

Read the book over this past weekend and loved it.

I just finished my first year working as a commercial litigation associate for a large law firm in Center City. I also grew up an upper middle class underachiever who attended a small, northeast liberal arts college, joined a fraternity, led what I would call an "active" social life, and proceeded to law school (after working for a couple of years) for lack of any better ideas as to how to earn the income I felt I needed. As you can imagine, this is by far the most relatable work I've ever read. I've also never laughed out loud so many times while reading anything.

There's so much truth to the ridiculous events and people depicted in the book, but that's really only its surface appeal. It's the substance of the book that surprised me. Virtually all of the ideas, frustrations and criticisms you express about law firms, the mutants that end up becoming attorneys, and the world in general, are thoughts that I've had at one time or another but have never been quite able to express as effectively as you have, from such an insightful yet darkly humorous perspective.

I've read a lot of books in my life and it's rare that I feel compelled to thank an author, but I have to say: thank you for writing it. You should be proud. I'm looking forward to your appearance(s) in Philly as well as your future works. I'll do my part to spread the word.

PL: Thank you. That's exceedingly kind. Let's just say I understand and, though the acknowledgment was missed in the first edition of the book, I wanted to include a dedication to "All the decent lawyers out there wondering why it has to be the way it is."

You know, you can make it better. If associates got together and went on strike for better work conditions they'd literally cripple the industry. The margins are so fucking tight, and tightening so much every day as clients are sick and tired of paying outrageous rates for cookie-cutter work in what they know is an intentionally inefficient system.

If daring groups of young senior associates started breaking off and promising to do mid-level work (the old pros will always have to do the difficult stuff) for clients at 2/3 the cost, I think they'd find a lot of receptive clients. Sure, you can;t take a huge Fortune 100 outfit with you, but for those mid-sized clients and their mid-sized pieces of litigation, if you skipped around the GC or Associate GC (who is often an old friend of the partner who gets origination credit for his business), and connected with someone further up the line and offered services at a lower rate, you could steal some business. Ultimately, you probably wouldn't make as much as you might if you stuck it out and made partner where you are. But who knows? You might hit it lucky, catch fire and wind up making a lot more... And at a minimum, you'd be master of your own destiny.

And what's the worst that can happen? Even if you fuck up and don't have the revenue to stay afloat, somebody will gobble you up for the business you do have and you'll be right back where you started. With the knowledge You Tried.*

*Written furiously, in one riff. Pardon the typos.

I finished the book yesterday and really enjoyed it. Your writing has forced me to look a lot closer at my career options. I'd attempt to get you to speak at my school if it wasn't about 1,200 miles away. (Drinks and hallucinogenics would of course be comped.)

I've been a reader for years and I'm really excited to see where your writing goes post-law.

My only question: I understand the marketing aspect of remaining the anonymous 'Philalaywer' but do you think you'll ever write under your own name, perhaps when the bulk of your work is no longer specifically about law?

PL: Yes. I am planning to do a second book of essays or a discussion of how people like me become people like me. We would call it "Rotten White Kids" and it would be a sociological study/prequel.

Right now, however, I just want to write silly shit or stuff on the election. There's so much so fucked right now and while I have this pedestal for a fleeting moment I feel like fucking screaming. Everything going on around us seems to be breaking down and it's way, way bigger than the credit crunch or the election or the stock market. This country needs a fucking enema. We need the angry moderates to take the fucking wheel and right this thing. To force an agenda of social tolerance and fiscal conservatism that neither of these goddamn bought-and-paid for corporate parties will give us.

I also want to write about why I hate Bruce Springsteen, hanging out in ghost towns and the endless ways I've managed to not get laid in my life (much funnier than the success stories). I've had an idea called "The Ones That Got Away" in my head for a while. You know all those girls you wish you'd fucked? The ones you probably had a chance at fucking but for some reason (your idiocy) you completely blew it? I have a few of those and I want to write about them before I forget them.

I also want to write more about music.

I need to get on radio. I can't write fast enough to spit this all out. It's fucking maddening. Anybody want to hire me to do radio?

PL,

Just finished your book yesterday and really enjoyed it. I passed it around to the other Seniors in my House and can't get it back. If you ever find yourself out here, a bunch of us owe you a couple drinks. Thanks for everything.

PL: Make the bastards buy it!

Just fucking with you... Excellent school. I'd love to get up there.

Have one for me...

To Evil!

Just finished reading the book. Probably cliche, but as I flipped over the last page Pink Floyd's "Time" started playing in my head. It somehow made sense.

Hope to be at your DC signing- good work.

PL: No cliche there. It's actually frightening when you consider the nation in which that was penned, England, has a more adult and healthy approach to time and mortality than we do.

Thank you.

You might also consider Floyd's highly underrated "Obscured By Clouds," and more specifically, "The Gold, It's in the..." I believe the lyric goes something like "You go your way, i'll go mine, I don;t care if we get there on time... All I want to tell you all I want to say is count me in on the journey don;t expect me to stay..." Apologies on misquotes. That's from memory. Tanquerayed memory right now.

Hi! I just tried to order your book but it isn't available here in the UK yet. Side note- I had to search your archives before I found the link to Amazon (as I assume that if I order via the link you get a commission) - surely you should have a link readily available on every page? Forgive me if you do..... perhaps I'm just being thick.
Anyway, I'm from New Zealand but living in London. I have zero knowledge about law but really enjoy your writing nonetheless.
I will order in due course when it's available here, and if you ever make it to London I'll happily buy you a £5 pint!

PL: Thank you. The link should be in the top right hand corner of the face page.

Can't put one on every story. Too difficult, I think.

C'mon, hating on Springsteen? Born to Run is one of the best albums of its decade -- ignoring shit like the Stooges and the Velvet Underground, it's arbitrary to pinpoint a specific time (oh, we'll cut off an era nineteen hundred and seventy years after Christ died) so just go with the 'feel' of the music climate of the era.

The guy can write his motherfucking ass off. You ever sit down and listen to 'Nebraska'? Morose as all hell. The track "State Trooper" has got to be the theme song for any time you saw a cop pop up in your rear view mirror when you know you'd be absolutely screwed if he pulled you over (License registration, I ain't got none / but I got a clear conscience, about the things that I've done. Mr. State Trooper, please don't stop me...)

The four corners of the vinyl. Most of the albums start off with skeptical optimism, then slowly fall into an utter abyss of hopelessness. Born to Run, man. Kicks off with Thunder Road (I'm no hero, that's understood / All the Redemption I can offer, girl, is beneath this dirty hood), fades into Backstreets. You go and flip that bitch over, and the title track kicks you in the throat. And then the epic closer of Jungleland.

You should feel guilty, you bastard.

Great book, by the way. I was a little disappointed by the amount of stories I had already read, but they were reworked in such a way it was an enjoyable re-read.

PL: I like "Magic" fine, but I just can't get into old Bruce. I've tried. Not that I dislike him. I just can't get into him.

But yes, Nebraska is a really raw record and I'd never quibble with the notion that the man is insanely talented.

I actually really ddig the new Stooges disc, "The Weirdness." The mastering is odd, but it's quality shit.

Hey PL, While I was watching Boston Legal the other day, I wondered what your thoughts and opinions were on law-based shows (BL, LA Law, Law & Order, etc...). Just curious I guess...maybe a topic for some far off future post???

Keep up the great work!

Just finished your book and it was awesome. Though I had read many of the stories before on the site, I really liked the way it was pieced together in a sequential order. It flowed very nicely, and I can say I'm definitely looking forward to whatever you write next. I'm still an undergraduate, but what you have written has definitely forced me to think a lot more about whether I really want to go to law school, seeing as we are like minded people, who share some of the same interests and activities (underachieving white kid, fraternity brother, perpetually drunk, etc). Are you coming to DC for a signing?

PL: I assume that's a real email you sent. If so, we'll let you know about the DC stuff by email.

Thanks for the compliments on the book. As to your situation, take a couple years in the work force and if you still want to go to grad school, then look into it. But go in warned... Anyone thinking law school is a lucrative escape avenue is: (a) underestimated the duration of this recession, and; (b) going to get a cruel lesson about supply and demand.

Law is NOT recession-proof. Not even close.

As an undergraduate looking into law school, reading your book made me really stop and think about what I was getting myself into.

That being said, I wondered if you had any experience with lawyers who do criminal law for the government. I know the pay's shit, but if the work is more fulfilling than private, I would like to hear your opinions on it.

Also, I know it's a long shot considering it's quite a ways, but if you could make it down to Austin, I'm sure you'de draw an impressive crowd.

PL: You'll never hear me badmouth a criminal lawyer. They're some of the few decent eggs I've known in a litigation system so corrupt most of the people in it don't even realize they're corrupt. Our adversarial system is a terrible idea that needs to be overhauled. People don't find truth in a courtroom. Advocates spin bullshit at one another and in the midst a judge or jury decides who's lawyer was a better mouthpiece. But in that broken system, criminal lawyers are some of the few lawyers truly committed to helping people against enormous odds, usually for lousy pay. Civil defense lawyers are all about billing. Civil plaintiff's lawyers are all about getting settlements. Criminal defense lawyers are, in my opinion, truly interested the job, money be damned. Sure, there are exceptions, but you'll never hear me take shots at criminal defense lawyers. They're our last line of defense against the government, outgunned and outspent at every turn.

Will it be avaliable at Borders in Australian locations? I've had somewhat of an issue with finding it thus far.

PL: Try this link:

http://www.harpercollins.com.au/books/9780061349492/Happy_Hour_Is_for_Amateurs/index.aspx

Just picked up your book from the B&N in the DePaul Law bookstore. It's next to some legal writing aids. Thought you might find that interesting. Keep up the good work. Any chance you'll be coming through Chicago?

PL: Not right now. That's not in the cards at the moment, but I'll email you if I do. Great fucking town.

I forgot to mention in my previous comment...I live about 5 miles (probably less) from Secret Beach that you mentioned in one of your older posts. And yes, as behind the times as we are here, I do have a Borders but I still had to order your book so I am waiting, waiting, waiting. My freshman year of college I worked in a law library at the university I was attending (forever grateful for the experience as it changed my life course-I was ceertain that I was destined to be a lawyer) and I am sure your book will only cement what I learned from my own observations.
Thanks for taking up long afternoons of staring at my computer when I can come up with no reason to go check on the beach and I am supposed to be working or something like that...

PL: Secret Beach... Fun memory. Is that still isolated or did developers come in and fuck it up? The path pretty much guaranteed that people wouldn't swarm into the place.

As to the rest, you're welcome, and sorry about the delay on the order.

Secret beach is still "secret"...some of the other clothing optional (not really; public nudity is technically illegal) are not as isolated any more due to development but it is not highrise condos and such but development that, in my opinion, is improving the island. Everyday, this island amazes me with its beauty and I am grateful to be here. If you and your wife ever decide to come back to Kauai-hit me up, I'll buy dinner.

PL: I love the island. I could subsist on local poke for the rest of my life. If I get there again, I'll email you in advance.

Never leave that place.

Finished the book over the weekend and loved it, especially the last few chapters. I've been a fan since the get-go and often wondered what happened to you for those couple of years where the original site died (and you were reported to have died in some bizarre accident on LS Drive in Chicago?!) I've always felt when reading the posts that I'm sitting at a bar with you knocking back some good bourbon listening to these stories (and many times would enjoy a glass of Knob or Bulleitt while reading) - its nice to know what happened to my drinking buddy during that time! Your writing has always made me look at my chosen profession (law) and all the BS that is inherent in it with a more critical eye, and has reinforced to me that I made a good choice/had good luck to become a transactional lawyer and not a litigator.

The other thing that you have inspired me (and I am sure, others) to do is to start writing about my own experiences in law and life. If only for my own reading, its a very therapeutic way to deal with life in the profession, and life in general.

If you ever make it to Indianapolis, PLEASE let me know, I'd love to get an autographed copy of the book and there's this great martini bar off Monument Circle that I think you would love - drinks are on me. Also, if there are going to be any book signings in the NYC area after Christmas, please let us all know - once again, the drinks will be on me.

One last thing I have always wondered about - are you still practicing at all? Obviously not in Philly, but you do seem to have some passion for the nobler aspects of the profession, and with your coming success, I am sure you could maintain a very selective practice if you were so inclined.

Keep up the GREAT work, and I look forward to Tucker producing the movie version of the book.

PL: Thank so much. Yes, I do practice sometimes, on my own terms, in a normal, decent, sensible setting.

We are putting together a database to let people know about events, and keep up with the requests for review copies and interviews.

You want to get into radio? Shit goddamn! You'd do a killing with a talk show on modern disillusionment.

Most of the best places to learn about working a show are community colleges. Hell, the one I'm going to has gotten me into a top-tier station from the get-go. And with your law degree, you could very easily land a talk show after a year's experience in the field. I can guarantee that you won't make anywhere near the amount of money you were making in Law, but the flexibility and enjoyability of the work overshadows the measly paycheck.

Sure, the industry's rife with just as many idiots and mutants as Law, but you can get away with ignoring them with little effort.

Also: no billable hours.

PL: I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

A little late to the party, but the book kicks ass. I'm constantly laughing or nodding my head in agreement about how horrible life in an office is.

By the way, there's a passage where you talk about the internet planting "seeds of discontent" in the minds of office workers everywhere? I loved that. Philalawyer.net sapped my productivity more than any other site on the web, by the way.

Are you swinging by the DC area in the near future?

Thanks again.