hands? you're kidding right? and noone's been able to say what characteristics about the hands that attract and repulse? I have never heard this, but I am totally interested and totally confused at the same time. I think they call it curiousity, can you do another post on this? the hand post? feel free to call it that.

PL: I'd have to consult more women about it. The subject came up randomly once years ago. I actually spoke to a couple women about this to corroborate it and the dialogue written here is almost word for word what they said.

I've not heard the hands thing before. I seem to recall that some of our mutual imaginary friends who happen to be chicks have said that shoes are something that they notice when they first see a man.

Which is why I am wearing Gladiator sandals right now. After all, "au courant" is my middle name.

PL: Did you go with the French Pedicure this time or the smiley faces painted on the toenails again?

I had a secretary years ago who claimed the first thing she checked out was a dude's package. I still haven't figured out how that works, but she claimed through experience she could tell how much heat a man was packing.

You bastard. That's going to have me curiously looking at my hands for the rest of the day. Also a great substitute for digits - phalanges. Great point about liking green tea but hating to say it out loud. A similar situation to ordering a drink at starbucks or explaining said professional attire to friends/family with different priorities. I will never be able to tell my brother my MontBlanc Timewalker is a $2900 watch. Never.

I started reading your blog regularly but the second half of this blog kinda pissed me off. Not enough to shoot myself but enough to keep me from checking your site as regularly and to probably stick to kungfumikes site. A mans hands tell you everything ? C'mon I didn't expect something that stupid from this site. Sigh.

PL: What about the first part of the piece?

By the way, nice placement of the lparty thing. You're the first person to drop that here. I think I've used that gag about 100 times so far and it never gets old.

When can I buy your book?

and do you like Aldous Huxley? Just wondering.

PL: Oh, God, I should let a buddy of mine who comments here a lot answer that one. He gave me a back-of-the-envelope sketch on Huxley the other night that was pretty tight. I am not a huge Huxley nut, but I also don't dislike him. I'll say this - it's hard to describe what he does without sounding kind of pedantic, but the effort is still worthwhile and since many people who've lost a lot more brain cells than I'll ever have swear by him, I can't say much more than, "He's good but not exactly my thing." I also can't really get into Burroughs. I've tried, but so far failed.

These are indictments of me, by the way, not the material of either writer. Obviously, there's genius there.

As to the book, it will be out October 14.

The first half was completely fucking entertaining. I'm only disappointed that you didn't expand on the first half of this blog.

PL: It does get expanded upon, just not here.

However, the same way there is more to a guy than his hands, there's more to even the most shallow woman than her love of green tea.

I'm an equal opportunity social critic. It's hard not to be when you work in law where, let's face it, the male ego is a much bigger irritant than anything most chicks do around the office. I mean, women around the office can drive me nuts at times, but few of them seem to be in that constant dick size comparison so many guys get into.

This post was a bit provocative. Probably derives from the annoyance I suffered from the person it's about.

You also have to give me some props on the uniform. It's so cookie cutter. Hell, I found myself wearing it, which is how I wound up writing about the thing. I was looking at people one day and thought, "Damn, they all wear the same shit to telecast the same message (I am pros'prus)." Then I looked at myself and thought, "Shit... I am them as they are me as we are we and we are all douchebags."

Good stuff, Page.

Not a heartbreaker or ramblin' on or what is and should never, but more like a moby dick. Different, good, and fits in the album.

PL: More LZIII, I think. Something quick and easily digestible, like "Tangerine."

I've always been told that a woman first looks at a man's shoes -- like stated above -- and what kind of watch he wears. Wearing beat up kicks like classic Adidas that are four different colors and not even owning watch puts me at a serious disadvantage.

However, I will second the whole hand thing. I was recently talking to a woman about it and she said, 'Yeah, I always look at a man's hands, wondering what it'd be like if he was fingering me.'

Maybe she's just a tawdry whore.

PL: No, she's alright. No comment on the sort of woman who checks out the watch.

Dude. Nice. I may be in college, so I do tend to dress like shit, but when I see your people, no offense, strolling around town that is EXACTLY what I think. Just like someone is up the street somewhere pushing the same out of a cloning line just to fuck with me. Nice call.

PL: It's an easy call. And once I noticed I was dressing like that, I corrected the look, or at least bent it to a more individual thing.

Ugh. That bit about the uniform made me cringe. I'm so far removed from that, I had no idea that such things could really cost so much (call be naïve, if you will). I'm currently finishing up my Ph.D. in electrical and electronic engineering, and though I fully intend to move into the private sector as fast as I can (academia isn't for me), I'm really glad that my profession doesn't demand such rigourous fashion detailing. I've worked at several jobs before, often for fairly big companies (major banks, etc.). But one of the advantages of being a techie engineer is that the dress code is pretty relaxed. I own one suit (about $200) and have never purchased a single item of clothing that costs more than $40-50 or a pair of shoes above about $120. The ONLY time I've been spoken to about my attire at work was when I wore cargo shorts and sport sandals.

Another reason I'm glad I'm not a lawyer/banker/etc.

PL: Not all lawyers dress the way I described. Note the caveat... This is how the sort of person who'd describe himself as "moderately successful" and is on the prowl for ladies tends to broadcast his self-impressions. It's also a bit of a smaller city thing. You won't see the limitation of style choices so much in a place like New York. Less people know who the "competition" are and less people care.

It's how you project yourself. Someone may not know that your tie is from Hermes but you sure as hell do. I think you summed it up perfectly in the Dancing Queen post, the shark imagery. Even if they don't know the shoes are $430, it gives you that much more of a swagger

PL: The Hermes tie is the worst gift on Earth. You can't wear one with a decent knot in it if you're even moderately tall. People have given them to me as gifts over the years and they hang in my closet gathering dust.

What's the rule on monograms these days? I saw a due with them on his cuffs the other day. Is that in vogue again?

hadn't heard about the hands, mostly hear its all about the shoes from the lady friends of mine, are they well maintained are they dirty what type of shoe are they... scared me at first (i'm 26 and i still wear skateboard shoes to the office) until i realized all women make a concession for guys with size 14+

either way i do wish they'd just stop checking and talking about work long enough for me to ask them if they'd ever consider running away to mexico.

PL: Yeah, I think the size 14s lay down a sort of swagger all their own. You could probably have hands like a gekko and still get serious play.

What about the obligatory (leased) silver or black BMW 3-series/Audi A4? I thought that was part of the uniform too.

The "I am them as they are me as we are we and we are all douchebags" line was good. Reminds me of the first time I ordered a Heineken. Self-reflection's a bitch...

By the way, I grew up in Manhattan and what you've described is actually still very true there. London's the same way. It's just that the standard for "the competition" is different than in other cities because there are more people with real money around.

PL: My favorite fashion observations are:

1. The prevalence of black pants on women (what's funny is women who actually have great figures still wear them, just to be safe, I guess); and
2. The way those Royal Blue shirts came across the pond from London in the late Nineties. Suddenly, everybody was wearing Royal Blue. The color filled the office as burgundy and silver would fill the stadium at an Ohio State game. I swear the prevalence of that "wave" of Royal Blue is responsible for the "So, you got the memo?" line that was a popular joke to throw at someone dressed just like you were in those days.

In all fairness, leasing cars is a great way to avoid loss-of-return on your investment, as the payoff amount at the end of the lease is normally above the sale value of a similar vehicle. The downside is that you can never really make the car your own, which is the whole fun of owning things.

The uniform bit is something of a trap you enter just by playing the game, for those around you want to see you dressed to play the game and judge you by your "readiness." Ironically, this least important aspect is how far too many people judge performance, probably because they know they don't have shit behind their own uniform. Anybody can through on a Michael Jordan jersey, but that's not what made him great (it was actually the extra pair of shorts!).

PL: If you don't drive a lot, it's crazy not to lease your car. They're the worst investment on the planet.

Between my tiny hands, my misshapen ring finger (from wrestling), and my size 7 shoes it looks like there's no hope for me!

PL: Only if you take things literally...

flat fronts? No love for pleated? I must be WAY out of the loop hahah.

PL: Always go with flat fronts. They accentuate the package.

My suits are plated. It's hard to find a good flat fronted suit.

Hands are some of the most fool-proof ways of telling someone's age, physical condition, and general working condition.

Someone who looks young with wrinkled hands probably is older than they look, or at least had kind of a tough life. You can botox your face, get liposuction or work out all the time to have a good body, but your hands get wrinkly and less elastic no matter what you do. Tough, tanned hands mean working outside, probably long hours ( or at least an outdoorsy person). Bitten fingernails mean a nervous person (or a person with an annoying habit). Perfectly groomed, not too tan, smooth and soft hands generally means a white collar perfectionist.

Hands are a good way to tell someone's age, socioeconomic class, and possible neuroses. Something for everybody.

PL: I have nothing to add to that.

I work as a doctor, and wear board shorts, sandals, and sleeveless shirts to the office. Patients love it.

PL: My board shorts smell like hell from being worn so much.

Love the unifrom comment. I have settled in a smaller city, so the uniform is not so defined. It's hard to wear a hand-made suit or even a $1000 suit when its more than an hour to the nearest place that would sell one.

I am now staring at my hands thankful that I have already netted an acceptable female with similar ambitions and a high level of compatibility. My nails are atrocious, as are the cuticles. I would be shunned in a more sophisticated locale, but am saved by sealing my mate while in graduate school (and before the working world competition might have trampled me).

Good work. Love this post and the Very, Very Prestigious Firm post. Rings true from my days working (as a summer associate & lawyer) in bigger cities.

PL: I just got extensions. Excellent for back-scratching and reaching those hard to get to spots in the nose, but admittedly, a bit extravagant.

You're the only contributor in the entirety of the rudius sites that can actually write well. It goes beyond diction, rhythm, and coherence. It just has that "it" factor that transcends everyday writing. When I read your site, I actually start to feel the malaise oozing from the pores of your restlessly jaded outlook on life. I look forward to the book.

PL: I appreciate the compliment on the writing, but don't let me bring you down so much... If you met me, trust me, I'm not some dour mess. I'm just a guy frustrated that there's so much wonderful shit to see and do in life and so many of us are stuck - letting our talents rot doing what we don't want to do, what none of use were made to do. You think humans were evolutionarily crafted to sit in cubicles or offices moving paper around their whole lives?

Look, I have no gripe with people playing the game for checks. We all do that to some extent, and if you can deal with that bargain, you're a better man than most. But... And this is a huge point, perhaps the biggest I could offer in any story or article and haven't been able to make so far because I just can't figure out how.... Where might we be if the brilliant minds rambling around offices doing silly things like litigating expended their time on endeavors that could change the quality of all of our lives? What if all the intellectual horsepower spent on billing people for running consulting models, Sarbanes Oxley compliance or frivolous lawsuits could be applied to things that mattered?

Might we have cured a few things? Perhaps lessened the cost of health care by ending some chronic diseases long ago?

I'm an ardent free marketeer, but law... Law's not a free market profession. Careers like law are ways to leverage licenses granted by the state. We know how Milton Friedman felt about licenses. They're necessary for doctors, but not many others.

I guess in a nutshell I'd say I'm not so much about hate as I am about disgust that we can't apply ourselves more creatively - that the best paying work is the dullest and probably some of the most socially corrosive. I mean, let's face it, litigation is finding that space between what decency dictates and language allows. It's fun, and I've enjoyed "winning" in that game, but it's not one's best moment as a human being.

Yeah, Hermes' don't form good knots for 6'3" guys like myself. Burberry ties have been great - the knot and the dimple - and they keep rotating ones into the sale section of their website for half of the cost in stores. Not so sure about monograms...I'm up in the Bethlehem area and don't get much exposure to other suit wearers, but I think a couple monogrammed shirts rotated through the wardrobe would never hurt.

PL: Hell, nothing forms a good knot for a person your size. Burberry ties are great. A bit pricey, but they last forever. Zegna's good as well.

The biggest ripoff are those high end Brooks Brothers ties. Talk about cheap fabric...

"You think humans were evolutionarily crafted to sit in cubicles or offices moving paper around their whole lives?"

I couldn't agree more with you, and neither could Patrick Swayze from Point Break. (I love that movie, no sarcasm intended)

I don't necessarily think anyone interprets the themes of your writing as someone who's life outlook has been consumed and ruined by hatred/being jaded. I feel it's more about the struggle...on a deeper level, trying not to let the anger and utter disappointment at the ridiculous way a lot of people lead their lives get the best of you and transform you into some misanthropic, narcissistic shell of your former self. Just deciding to take the red pill in and of itself guarantees a lifetime of disappointment...because the type of person who would take the red pill inherently understands (or assumes) that most people would chose the blue pill any day. Sorry for the simplistic "Matrix" comparisons, I just needed a way to say that based on what you write, I look at the world in a similar way sometimes. It's actually more hopeful to me than getting me down.

PL: Swayze... Godspeed to him. Another example of the reason to "get busy living or get busy dying." I feel horrible for the guy's atrocious current circumstance, but you have to admit, cheesiness of his stuff aside, he's had a great run in a tough business and managed to stick with the same chick in a happy marriage for a long time. You read about a lot of self-centered asses in Hollywood who serially switch spouses and act like douchebags. He seems like one of those well-centered Paul Newman types who has his shit together.

I think most of us take the purple pill myself.

Yes, hands. As a female I must say that even though I haven't consciously thought about "bad" hands being a dealbreaker, it does seem to make sense to me considering that I really do appreciate a pair of attractive hands on a man.

PL: Exactly along the lines of what the women I have asked have said. Thanks.

Your pieces seem to keep getting shorter and shorter, what's the deal? I mean, I didn't come here to read a novel, but I liked it better when your stories intertwined with different themes and the actual point of what you were saying kind of snuck up on you in the conclusion.

Lets have more of those, please.

Also your comments editor is underlining the word snuck, as if it's not a real word, weird, no?

PL: Dude, it's a little hard considering I'm marketing a book I just finished. A man's got to get himself paid, as well. Trust me. These thing aren't one-offs I write like sitcom scripts.

When it's what I want it to be it goes up. Otherwise, essays go up. I don't want to start serving garbage and I don't think you want me to so bear with me. The next installment piece will be up shortly.

And all this said, if one keeps writing the same things in the same style lets himself and his readers down. By the way, you'll have a book of stuff in 45 days.

I have small hands. You acted like that's bad. You're a dick, man. I can't help it. Jeez.

PL: I didn't say that's bad. Reread. You'll notice the exchange reaches a different conclusion than you've gleaned from the text.

Your point of view is refreshing and somewhat affirming of my own. With that in mind, I've found that some of your best observations and expressions aren't in the narrative, but in your responses to your readers who comment on it. Keep it up.

PL: Too true. I am a much more effective rant machine than narrative writer. Ultimately I think I should do something on radio. I say that not out of egomania, but in simple recognition of the fact that the medium might suit me better. We did some promotional audio and video clips two days ago where I was allowed to run off at the mouth and I think in the foaming, snarky, smartass littany of rants I laid down I realized the truest point of my calling. Do you think it would be worthwhile to start an unfiltered "rant" section on this site? Just one topic a day to make fun of, with considerable reader participation? I am best off the cuff. To be as open as possible, playing without a net is my favorite zone. I love crafting the work here and will always, but man would I love to run off unfiltered and let society have a face full of it. The campaigns this year are driving me insane. So much stupidity, so perfectly clarified and promoted. So much hopeless, screwheaded nonsense, so many false idols and the endless waves of naivete. One could have so much fun with that alone...